It’s been a while.
A few years back I took a class in which I was invited into an exercise called “Personal Top 10.” The assignment was to write a list of 10 things that were up in our lives that we wouldn’t usually say out loud. I loved this truth telling experience and try to do it in smaller daily ways in my journals etc. As someone who doesn’t always express the harder stuff (for fear of people thinking less of me) and the good stuff (for fear of people thinking I’m bragging) it’s been a helpful practice. Here’s a quick top 10 as it relates to me and my work:
On the heavier side:
* The reason I haven’t written here in a while (other than the I’m busy excuse) is that I often feel I need to say something deep and profound … which usually keeps me from saying anything at all.
* The last 6 weeks of editing the rough cut of my film Second Coming have been arduous. I have felt lost in my own story. I’ve lost sleep. My jeans don’t fit. I have been grappling with hard feedback from both outside and, more detrimentally, from the mean woman who lives in my head.
* I committed to finishing a new draft of my memoir this year. So far, I’ve written eight pages.
* I committed to taking email off my phone this year and getting off technology by 9pm every night. Six weeks ago email made its way back on my phone and I’ve been consistently working/surfing late and going to bed all “twired” up.
* My parents just came for a visit and it was wonderful. But while my head knows that they will love and support me through this difficult family story I have to tell, there is still the little girl in me who actively frets about losing them over it.
On the lighter side:
* I am currently coaching three amazing woman and their stories are coming alive in our work. It has been healing and inspiring for them …and me too
* I think the film is 70% finished…that’s more than half-way there! And I somewhere know in my bones that I have the creative insight and support I need to realize its potential.
* I have three months this summer devoted to family and writing time for my film and memoir…these projects are going to get done.
* As of right now, email is removed from my phone along with social media apps. Hello freedom!
* This a picture of my mom and daughter from this past weekend…we didn’t talk much about the film/old story… Seeing the mom that, many years ago, I never thought I’d have a real relationship with…having such a ball with the daughter I never thought I’d be able to have. This is the part of the story that makes the hard process of the telling worth it. This is the healing.
So there you have it, the truth of where I’m at. Whenever I’m feeling stuck, I find getting honest with myself is the best place to start. If you’re so inspired, feel free to share a few of your own top tens.
Also, if you’re wanting to get support in being more authentically visible in the world …whether it’s with a talk, a new website or social media posts, drop me a line and let’s see how and where I can help you tell your story.
With love and boldness,